Its been a while since I’ve posted here but while I was at the beach today contemplating about life suddenly, I started having a very profound discourse with myself about..well..pebbles! I know what you’re thinking pebbles? Well, initially I just wanted to escape from reality and since I could not hear one of my current escape songs ( FYI its new wine by Hillsong) I decided to sit down and relax while the waves crushed along the shore ( I mean what an ideal place to start contemplating about your life am I right? So as I looked vacantly around me I soon found myself being captivated by the view and suddenly my attention had changed its course and was focused on the pebbles that were on the shore. I meticulously examined and analyzed them. As I picked each and every pebble up I noticed how unique each of them were in their pattern, in their form and color. I was taken aback by how uniquely this world was formed even in its slightest matter. I mean their just pebbles and yet God has made everything so unique in itself from the biggest to the smallest thing. We were all designed uniquely and thus we can’t blend in when we were made to stand out.
Everyone loses a part of his self; lost in memories we try to escape, memories we try to forget but which are too vividly stuck in our minds haunting us every night while we’re more vulnerable than ever.
Thoughts, memories, emotions watching every move we make marking their territories and slowly trying to consume our deepest parts…Throwing darts and successfully aiming them, bringing us down to the lowest points we could ever be, self-hating, name-calling, one of the most beautifully created creatures on earth. With all it’s perfect imperfections.Yet how can we not notice it?. They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I say beauty lies within us, when we’re down, in the most sincere parts of our hearts, when we smile, when we’re vulnerable that’s what I find beautiful.
Living a life thinking how different things would be if you had changed certain parts. Losing the dearest person of all was like losing myself, since, I was a part of her. Depression seemed stronger than her love for me. And yet again I understand what she felt like, but at the same time I don’t. We had both lost the head of our home, but I wanted her to fight, I needed her to fight for me, but I guess the battle was stronger than the love of a mother for her daughter.
Growing up life was amazing; no worries, no misgivings, until my father died. My indignation and the feeling of abandonment were alarming at times. And yet it was expected because of what I was going through. As for my mother, time was indefinite. Often, it was difficult to think about the loss of my father. My mother’s attitude would change in a split of a second and even though I had to be strong for myself I needed to be stronger for her. When I looked in her eyes fatigue and pain seemed to control it. And as the darkness afflicted her soul more than ever she looked older and was not as exuberant as she used to be.
One day as I arrived from school I went to look for her but she was nowhere to be found. And as I went to the balcony I saw half of her body hanging out and half in and as she looked at me with crying eyes full of despair I knew I had to change her mind, but it was too late, she jumped and as my eyes began to cry and I looked for air to breathe, she averted me. And I grew up sequestered from the world, exonerating myself of the death of my parents.
On the nineteenth of May my existence came to life.From that moment and on, problems came flashing down like thunder; by problems refer to me; Giving birth to someone like was a problem itself. Mother, however, unaware of the flaw she was about to give birth to;was ecstatic; just the idea of having to raise a child, gave her contentment, just not the child she expected.” People like you are a plague to the world.” she used to say, and yet the curse that was placed upon us was by no means harm to anyone; just an inevitable curse by fate.
Her body was a masterpiece yet no one understood it
Her mesmerizing eyes lured me to places that were unknown and yet I followed
Was it because of how her eyes shown when someone made her smile or how her eyes cried when pain afflicted her soul?
I know not the answer but light exuberated through her
She was a real life masterpiece and yet I wondered if she knew?
Because when I glanced I was astound with such beauty,
Beauty that words cannot express and yet I try to
Through all the battles she encountered she overcame
Becoming stronger, stronger than the winds and blossomed like flower
Her smile illuminated and everyone seemed to be captivated by it
Her face was perfectly sculptured
Her beauty was belittled by her kindness
And yet all I saw was an imperfect perfection
And I wonder if you see that too
I am a part of a generation where
I am constantly scrutinized by the colour of my skin
I keep on hearing people sobbing
Trying to defend their own skin
And here I am trying to discern the purpose of my life
How do I help the ones trying to survive?
How do I change society without it changing me?
They tell us to smile but they’re still vile
They tell us to be ourselves yet that’s not enough
Their words are like bullets piercing through our hearts
Making us think we’re not good enough
But how long will their lies go on
How long will we stand quiet for?
Nobody hears their cries, No one answers their calls
Drowned by society’s lies,
As their tears roll down their cheek unto the ground draining out any other sound
And when the end finally comes and they all lay dead
Maybe just then society will finally regret